We just wanted to get a quick update out to let everyone know we are doing much better. After making the decision to put chemo on hold we both felt a big burden lifted off of our shoulders. We have definitely felt the effects of all of your prayers. Kristi is also physically feeling a little better these days. Thanks for being such faithful readers and prayer warriors for our family! We'd like to be able to respond to everyone in person but along with dealing with cancer, school and sports are now in full swing! Every night we have either soccer, karate, piano, Cadets, etc. By the time we get the kids to bed we crash on the couch. Just know that we read every e-mail and comment and we feel truly blessed!
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:1-2.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009: We Warned You!
Well, you can't say we never warned you. Right in the header of our blog we have the word "CAUTION". We realize that people who love us very much read this blog daily (our parents, siblings, closest friends). This blog was created for a way for us to journal this adventure; a kind of therapy for us. Through this journey there will be good times and bad. If you're reading this, you need to be prepared for things to change in a moments notice. We have become quite used to that over the past 3 years.
The past few weeks have not been easy and maybe you have seen a change in our postings. We can't put on fake "happy faces" all the time and pretend everything is wonderful or we wouldn't be real. Yes, we are Christians. We love God. We know God loves us. Never doubted it. Nowhere in the bible does it say if you become a Christian life will be easy. Quite the opposite actually. But one of the most wonderful things about having faith is knowing that God is always by our side.
Today was another tough day. I was on video duty for church this morning. Kristi made it to the 2nd service by herself. She left the kids home because they were too much for Kristi to get ready and out the door by herself. So Kristi sat with her mom near the back. About half way through the service Kristi broke down. She walked out of church and drove home. I caught her in the parking lot and followed her. When we got home we just laid in bed. We tried napping but just laid for about 2 hours. We talked a lot. Pretty much decided we're taking a break from chemo. Although we appreciate all of the advice, this was a decision we made (although I am intrigued my the medical marijuana idea. For me. I'll investigate). :)
The past few weeks have not been easy and maybe you have seen a change in our postings. We can't put on fake "happy faces" all the time and pretend everything is wonderful or we wouldn't be real. Yes, we are Christians. We love God. We know God loves us. Never doubted it. Nowhere in the bible does it say if you become a Christian life will be easy. Quite the opposite actually. But one of the most wonderful things about having faith is knowing that God is always by our side.
Today was another tough day. I was on video duty for church this morning. Kristi made it to the 2nd service by herself. She left the kids home because they were too much for Kristi to get ready and out the door by herself. So Kristi sat with her mom near the back. About half way through the service Kristi broke down. She walked out of church and drove home. I caught her in the parking lot and followed her. When we got home we just laid in bed. We tried napping but just laid for about 2 hours. We talked a lot. Pretty much decided we're taking a break from chemo. Although we appreciate all of the advice, this was a decision we made (although I am intrigued my the medical marijuana idea. For me. I'll investigate). :)
While we were upstairs, Ashley was working on a bible assignment for school. Ashley is our oldest daughter. She is 12. We normally encourage the kids not to do their homework on Sunday, but this is what she wrote:
My Life
by Ashley Rogalske
"My life has been good but hard. In 2007 my mom got ovarian cancer. Ever since 2007 life has been hard for us. Her cancer has gone away a few times but it always seems to come back. I am the oldest child so I feel like I should do a lot of work around the house and keep watch of my younger siblings. God has been faithful to us by staying with us and being on our side. God has never left us and He never will. Gods faithfulness was great in the life of Joseph. God helped Joseph as much as he is helping our family right now. When Joseph's brothers threw Joseph in the pit and sold him to the midianite merchants (Ishmaelites), God was with him the whole time and never left him.If you are ever having a hard time and don't know what to do, just take out the Bible and read. Here are some verses I found that help me.
Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced. Psalm 105:5
Do not let your hearts be troubled, Trust in God, trust also in me. John 14:1
I sought the Lord, and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
When times are good, be happy; when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future. Ecclesiastes 7:14 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
I chose these verses because when I read them, immediately I feel like everything is going to be okay and that God will never leave me and my family. I feel like I am free from worrying and everything will be okay. If your are ever feeling down or not so well, find verses in the Bible and that will calm you down. "
What do you say to that?! I just broke down and cried in her arms. I was so proud on one hand but so mad on the other. I believe this experience will ultimately make these kids better adults, but I feel like they are being cheated out of a part of life. This sucks. This really sucks. That's how we feel right now. Pray that we will be rejuvenated soon. Thank you so much!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009: Decisions
As long as I can remember I have been terrible at making decisions. Sometimes I really don't have a preference, other times I'm afraid of offending the person I'm with (that's the people pleaser in me), and there are also times I simply don't know the answer.
Every single day we are hit with decisions. As soon as my alarm clock goes off I have to decide if I have time to hit snooze or not. The agonizing decision of "what shall I wear today"? By afternoon I'm trying to decide what to make for supper . . . of if I need to make supper (can I pull off another day of "we're having cereal again tonight"?)
Quite often in life there are the "biggie" decisions that we need to make. What college should I go to? Should I go to college? Who will I marry? (thankfully that was a no brainer for me!) Is it time for us to start a family? Where do we send our kids to school? How can we continue to afford sending our kids to school?
And then every once in a while we are hit with those major decisions. Those life or death consequence decisions. We are there right now. We have actually been there for almost three years. I have cancer. I want it gone. How do we accomplish this?
We have for the most part followed the traditional route. We have seen the doctors. We have gotten second opinions. I have had surgeries, scans, tests, chemotherapy and so on. I have followed the rules and where has that gotten me? Well, it's been 2 years, seven months and twenty days (give or take a few hours) and I still have cancer.
If it sounds like I am bitter it's because I am. Through most of this journey I have been optimistic. Even though the odds have always been stacked against me I have believed that I would be in that small percentage of survivors. And I still do. As soon as I give up that thought I have admitted defeat and taken away any chance of surviving this battle.
Anyone who reads this blog also knows that I have had many times of just wanting to give up, times that I was at the bottom of a very dark pit and just wanted to stay there. I am not in a pit now, I am just tired. Tired of putting poison through my veins that just seems to be killing me along with the chemo. I don't want to give up but I want to find a new strategy - a new plan of attack.
Anyone who has been diagnosed with an illness knows that along with this comes a great deal of advice and opinions. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and other times it turns on a light bulb. It opens a new door. It starts the wheels spinning.
I recently was given some information on an alternative form of therapy. As I read through this I felt a strong pull. I felt like God was telling me to take a closer look. After doing some research of my own I have found out that this treatment is not available. In fact, it appears that it is not even legal to sell this vitamin in the United States. At this point I am not going to share what I am researching as I know that I will receive a great deal of opinions and right now I need to forge through on my own and make my own opinions. I am working with my oncologist on this as well. I still have a couple weeks before I am scheduled for my next round of chemo and many decisions need to be made.
That brings me back full circle to that dreaded word "decision". If I can't decide what restaurant I would like to eat at for supper how can I decide something that will effect my chance of survival? The verse I cling to is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have made for you" declares the Lord. He has planned my life from beginning to end. These plans have been made. Where I struggle is . . . what are these plans? Can I get a copy of them? I am so afraid of making the wrong decision.
When I stopped chemo in April of 2008 I felt God's peace and I know I made the right decision. I still believe that. Right now I need to find this again. The thought "seek me" came into my head and I searched Bible Gateway and this is what I found . . . . You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. This verse is Jeremiah 29:13 - just two verses from my favorite verse. Coincidence? I don't think so.
So right now we seek. We seek with all our heart. And we pray. And we know - God does have plans for us . . "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Every single day we are hit with decisions. As soon as my alarm clock goes off I have to decide if I have time to hit snooze or not. The agonizing decision of "what shall I wear today"? By afternoon I'm trying to decide what to make for supper . . . of if I need to make supper (can I pull off another day of "we're having cereal again tonight"?)
Quite often in life there are the "biggie" decisions that we need to make. What college should I go to? Should I go to college? Who will I marry? (thankfully that was a no brainer for me!) Is it time for us to start a family? Where do we send our kids to school? How can we continue to afford sending our kids to school?
And then every once in a while we are hit with those major decisions. Those life or death consequence decisions. We are there right now. We have actually been there for almost three years. I have cancer. I want it gone. How do we accomplish this?
We have for the most part followed the traditional route. We have seen the doctors. We have gotten second opinions. I have had surgeries, scans, tests, chemotherapy and so on. I have followed the rules and where has that gotten me? Well, it's been 2 years, seven months and twenty days (give or take a few hours) and I still have cancer.
If it sounds like I am bitter it's because I am. Through most of this journey I have been optimistic. Even though the odds have always been stacked against me I have believed that I would be in that small percentage of survivors. And I still do. As soon as I give up that thought I have admitted defeat and taken away any chance of surviving this battle.
Anyone who reads this blog also knows that I have had many times of just wanting to give up, times that I was at the bottom of a very dark pit and just wanted to stay there. I am not in a pit now, I am just tired. Tired of putting poison through my veins that just seems to be killing me along with the chemo. I don't want to give up but I want to find a new strategy - a new plan of attack.
Anyone who has been diagnosed with an illness knows that along with this comes a great deal of advice and opinions. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and other times it turns on a light bulb. It opens a new door. It starts the wheels spinning.
I recently was given some information on an alternative form of therapy. As I read through this I felt a strong pull. I felt like God was telling me to take a closer look. After doing some research of my own I have found out that this treatment is not available. In fact, it appears that it is not even legal to sell this vitamin in the United States. At this point I am not going to share what I am researching as I know that I will receive a great deal of opinions and right now I need to forge through on my own and make my own opinions. I am working with my oncologist on this as well. I still have a couple weeks before I am scheduled for my next round of chemo and many decisions need to be made.
That brings me back full circle to that dreaded word "decision". If I can't decide what restaurant I would like to eat at for supper how can I decide something that will effect my chance of survival? The verse I cling to is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have made for you" declares the Lord. He has planned my life from beginning to end. These plans have been made. Where I struggle is . . . what are these plans? Can I get a copy of them? I am so afraid of making the wrong decision.
When I stopped chemo in April of 2008 I felt God's peace and I know I made the right decision. I still believe that. Right now I need to find this again. The thought "seek me" came into my head and I searched Bible Gateway and this is what I found . . . . You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. This verse is Jeremiah 29:13 - just two verses from my favorite verse. Coincidence? I don't think so.
So right now we seek. We seek with all our heart. And we pray. And we know - God does have plans for us . . "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Friday, September 11, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009: Nobody Home
Read at your own risk. Faint of heart don't read.
If I said things were "OK" I'd be lying. It's 4:00AM and it's another sleepless night. Tick tock tick tock. As I sit here typing I hear the living room clock ticking away. Kristi is in absolute misery. She trades off extreme constipation with bouts of diarrhea. Throw in occasional nausea and constant fatigue and that sums up the last 10 days for us. Some nights as we sit on the couch I will look into her eyes (as she stares at the TV, not watching, but staring) - her eyes are open but nobody is home. Her expression is blank. It crushes me. Sorry. She says if this cancer ends up taking her in 2 years this is not how she wants to spend those last 2 years. I can't blame her. If it were me I'd want to be brought out to the 'back 40'. I can't even imagine the misery. She says she is not giving up her fight - and she's not - she has just been thinking a lot about 'reality' lately. She has been thinking a lot about quitting chemo lately. Then she asks me "what do you think?" Usually by this time of the conversation I'm numb. What does one say? I don't know. She says when she thinks of spending the next 2 years like this she gets emotionally exhausted. I responded by saying "when I think of spending the next 40 years without you I get emotionally exhausted". Sorry. That's how it's been the last 6 weeks around here. I'd put some specific prayer requests but I think you get it. Thanks. I'm going to go lay next to Kristi and the dogs now. Night.
If I said things were "OK" I'd be lying. It's 4:00AM and it's another sleepless night. Tick tock tick tock. As I sit here typing I hear the living room clock ticking away. Kristi is in absolute misery. She trades off extreme constipation with bouts of diarrhea. Throw in occasional nausea and constant fatigue and that sums up the last 10 days for us. Some nights as we sit on the couch I will look into her eyes (as she stares at the TV, not watching, but staring) - her eyes are open but nobody is home. Her expression is blank. It crushes me. Sorry. She says if this cancer ends up taking her in 2 years this is not how she wants to spend those last 2 years. I can't blame her. If it were me I'd want to be brought out to the 'back 40'. I can't even imagine the misery. She says she is not giving up her fight - and she's not - she has just been thinking a lot about 'reality' lately. She has been thinking a lot about quitting chemo lately. Then she asks me "what do you think?" Usually by this time of the conversation I'm numb. What does one say? I don't know. She says when she thinks of spending the next 2 years like this she gets emotionally exhausted. I responded by saying "when I think of spending the next 40 years without you I get emotionally exhausted". Sorry. That's how it's been the last 6 weeks around here. I'd put some specific prayer requests but I think you get it. Thanks. I'm going to go lay next to Kristi and the dogs now. Night.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009: A Little Better
Today was a little better than yesterday. Kristi was still puking this morning but hasn't thrown up since lunch. She's feeling a little better now. She is still extremely fatigued and ready to quit chemo again. Pico has been a nice addition to the family. He's really starting to fit in. Here are some pictures of Pico:
Papi and Pico keeping Kristi company as she rests. As you can see, Papi is still the favorite.
Papi and Pico keeping Kristi company as she rests. As you can see, Papi is still the favorite.
Papi and Pico keeping me company as I read
Pico is very curious
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009: Well...
Guess I spoke too soon. The nausea hit today. Kristi has had a bowl of oatmeal the past 2 days. She tried crackers and a 7-Up and well, it all came back up. She has been nauseous all day. Please pray that this is a short lived set-back. It gets really hard to understand how this chemo is "helping" her. She really struggles with this...and so do I. Please pray for reassurance that this chemo is the right thing to do and for energy for the 2 of us.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009: Not Much Nausea
So far so good on the nausea side. The new meds Kristi is taking seem to be working! The down side is that they make her very tired. She has slept most of the day today but seeing a tired mommy is better than one throwing up...so we're praising God for the new meds! I'm trying to motivate myself to go out and finish yard work...so I guess I'll go walk the dog!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009: Plans
Once again the "for I know the plans I have made for me" did not line up with "for I know the plans I have made for you". God's plans always trump our plans.
I thought I had all the details worked out. Bring the kids to school. Meet my mom at my house so we could switch cars and then go pick my dad up and drop Emily off after that. This way my dad could drive me to chemo with their car and my mom would have the van to pick up the kids later in the day. A little bit complicated but we made it work.
I got as far as bringing the kids to school and getting back home. That's where the plans took on a life of their own. I was giving Pico his antibiotic and pain medication in a piece of cheese and Papi decided to jump in and eat them instead. At first I was thinking he would be fine - it was just a quarter of each pill. Then I realized that Pico weighs twice as much as Papi. I called our vet to see what I should do and they told me I needed to make him throw it up. Thankfully my mom was already there so she helped me give Papi a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide (which is what the vet told me to do). I had to do this every 2 to 3 minutes until he threw up and if we hit 15 minutes with nothing we were going to have to bring him in. Thankfully he threw up after the second dose.
As we were dealing with this I was on the phone with my nurse. They had my blood work drawn yesterday at my doctors appointment and my counts were in. I was hit between the eyes with the news of my new number. I think she said 152 or 151 - Brian thought I said 156. I just remember hearing one fifty and then I kinda blanked out. Seconds after this Papi throws up on the carpet under the kitchen table.
My wonderful mother tried cleaning it up but didn't have much paper towel in her hand so she was rather grossed out and almost threw up. At this point it was actually comical. It was the perfect distraction to the bad news. Papi recovered quickly and I found the pills in his, well, you know.
After the mess was cleaned up we continued on with our day. Everything else went according to plan after that. Oh wait, Emily decided it would be a good morning to scream and cry and cling to my neck when I dropped her off at a friends. Thankfully this was a great friend who knew to take her so we could make the break and she was fine shortly after. The chemo clinic was pretty busy and everything was running behind. I should have known that would happen and factored that into the plans!
I'm still kind of surprised by the number and bummed. I may have a very resilient case of cancer but I also have amazing friends and family. I have parents who made arrangements so that my dad could spend the day with me at the clinic and my mom could pick up Emily this afternoon as well as the kids from school. A friend of mine watched Emily for the day. Another friend brought an awesome supper over (and meals for the freezer too!) and then yet one more friend stopped by tonight with a plate of brownies! We even had a friend bring a plate of brownies yesterday which sadly enough we inhaled by that night :) We are so well taken care of!
Pico has only been with us for three days and I'm amazed at how well he is adjusting. He is such a sweetheart!
Life is hard . . . but God is good.
I thought I had all the details worked out. Bring the kids to school. Meet my mom at my house so we could switch cars and then go pick my dad up and drop Emily off after that. This way my dad could drive me to chemo with their car and my mom would have the van to pick up the kids later in the day. A little bit complicated but we made it work.
I got as far as bringing the kids to school and getting back home. That's where the plans took on a life of their own. I was giving Pico his antibiotic and pain medication in a piece of cheese and Papi decided to jump in and eat them instead. At first I was thinking he would be fine - it was just a quarter of each pill. Then I realized that Pico weighs twice as much as Papi. I called our vet to see what I should do and they told me I needed to make him throw it up. Thankfully my mom was already there so she helped me give Papi a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide (which is what the vet told me to do). I had to do this every 2 to 3 minutes until he threw up and if we hit 15 minutes with nothing we were going to have to bring him in. Thankfully he threw up after the second dose.
As we were dealing with this I was on the phone with my nurse. They had my blood work drawn yesterday at my doctors appointment and my counts were in. I was hit between the eyes with the news of my new number. I think she said 152 or 151 - Brian thought I said 156. I just remember hearing one fifty and then I kinda blanked out. Seconds after this Papi throws up on the carpet under the kitchen table.
My wonderful mother tried cleaning it up but didn't have much paper towel in her hand so she was rather grossed out and almost threw up. At this point it was actually comical. It was the perfect distraction to the bad news. Papi recovered quickly and I found the pills in his, well, you know.
After the mess was cleaned up we continued on with our day. Everything else went according to plan after that. Oh wait, Emily decided it would be a good morning to scream and cry and cling to my neck when I dropped her off at a friends. Thankfully this was a great friend who knew to take her so we could make the break and she was fine shortly after. The chemo clinic was pretty busy and everything was running behind. I should have known that would happen and factored that into the plans!
I'm still kind of surprised by the number and bummed. I may have a very resilient case of cancer but I also have amazing friends and family. I have parents who made arrangements so that my dad could spend the day with me at the clinic and my mom could pick up Emily this afternoon as well as the kids from school. A friend of mine watched Emily for the day. Another friend brought an awesome supper over (and meals for the freezer too!) and then yet one more friend stopped by tonight with a plate of brownies! We even had a friend bring a plate of brownies yesterday which sadly enough we inhaled by that night :) We are so well taken care of!
Pico has only been with us for three days and I'm amazed at how well he is adjusting. He is such a sweetheart!
Life is hard . . . but God is good.
Thursday, September 3, 2009: CA125 Results
Well, not what we were hoping or praying for but "it is what it is". Kristi's CA125 level jumped to 156. Dr. Downey said not to be surprised if it goes up but we were hoping he was just being cautious. He will continue the current chemo for a few more rounds before making any changes. Fortunately Papi was misbehaving this morning (he ate Pico's pills) so that kept Kristi distracted. She was more upset about that than the CA125 results! Please pray for more distractions and a side effect-free chemo. Thanks!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009: Pico!
Sorry we didn't update last night with Pico pictures . . . it was a busy day! Pico is full of energy and we are thinking he still has a bit of puppy in him. He absolutely loves Papi! Unfortunately he loves him a little too much and isn't giving him any down time.
Initially he only wanted to be with Papi and he didn't have much interest in us. Today he has warmed up quite a bit to us. Doesn't he look just like Papi? Most of the time they are running around and playing. They wore themselves out and took a short nap on Brian We just weighed Pico tonight and he is 19 pounds - he's very solid. Papi on the other hand is 9 pounds - he's just a little runt.
My appointment with my oncologist today was uneventful which is good. They did give me a new prescription for a different nausea medication which hopefully means I won't get as sick this time. My chemo appointment is tomorrow at 11:00.
Some prayer requests:
We think Pico is going to be a wonderful addition to our family but we still have a bit of a transition phase. He is rather protective of Papi and is still getting used to being around people. He has snipped at a a few people so we are limiting visitors until he gets used to us.
Brian has still been struggling with his fatigue and it seems to have gotten worse recently. It's so hard to understand how someone who eats so healthy (well, most of the time anyway!) and works out every day can have this much fatigue. Pray that some day we can find a cause for it and for patience and strength as he waits.
Prayers of praise for a great first few days of school for the kids! They all have awesome teachers and are adjusting better than I expected to the new routine. They are pretty excited about a 4 day weekend though :)
Initially he only wanted to be with Papi and he didn't have much interest in us. Today he has warmed up quite a bit to us. Doesn't he look just like Papi? Most of the time they are running around and playing. They wore themselves out and took a short nap on Brian We just weighed Pico tonight and he is 19 pounds - he's very solid. Papi on the other hand is 9 pounds - he's just a little runt.
My appointment with my oncologist today was uneventful which is good. They did give me a new prescription for a different nausea medication which hopefully means I won't get as sick this time. My chemo appointment is tomorrow at 11:00.
Some prayer requests:
We think Pico is going to be a wonderful addition to our family but we still have a bit of a transition phase. He is rather protective of Papi and is still getting used to being around people. He has snipped at a a few people so we are limiting visitors until he gets used to us.
Brian has still been struggling with his fatigue and it seems to have gotten worse recently. It's so hard to understand how someone who eats so healthy (well, most of the time anyway!) and works out every day can have this much fatigue. Pray that some day we can find a cause for it and for patience and strength as he waits.
Prayers of praise for a great first few days of school for the kids! They all have awesome teachers and are adjusting better than I expected to the new routine. They are pretty excited about a 4 day weekend though :)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009: Just Another Week in the Life of the Rogalske's
Here is a peek at our schedule this week:
Monday: First day of school for Ashley & Nathan.
Tuesday: First day of kindergarden for Emily & pick up Pico from the Humane Society
Wednesday: Pre-chemo visit with Dr. Downey at 10:00
Thursday: Second round of chemo at 11:00
Friday: No school - no plans - phew!
Hmmm, did I say Pico? The Humane Society? Bet I've got you wondering :) When Papi was gone on his "road trip" we would stop by the Humane Society every couple of days to make sure he hadn't been turned in there. It was heart breaking to walk through there looking at all the dogs and cats in need of a home. We already have a cat and were hoping that Papi would soon return to us so I didn't let myself become attached to these animals as I walked through (not an easy task!). I thought with everything going on in our life right now adding another pet wasn't something to even consider. Silly me.
Brian wasn't able to get through the shelter without becoming attached. Pico caught his eyes and that was all it took. My initial response was "no way, no how, not going to happen!". After seeing the sad look in Brian's eyes and then seeing Pico's picture my resolve broke. We took the kids out to visit him last week and they fell in love with him too. On Saturday we brought Papi to meet him and they got along great. Long story short . . . we pick him up tomorrow!
Pico is having surgery today (he hadn't been neutered yet and the humane society requires that to be done before you can take the animals home). If all goes well we can pick him up tomorrow. We're not sure exactly what he is but he looks exactly like Papi except he is a little bit bigger and stockier. They guessed he is between 2-3 years old.
Although I still can't believe we are getting another dog I have to say I'm pretty excited. Papi likes other dogs (as long as they aren't big) and I think he will really enjoy having a buddy.
So some prayer requests for this week are:
* the kids as they adjust to the routine of being in school again
* for me as I adjust to the thought of my baby being in kindergarden!
* the family as we welcome Pico to our home
* that chemo will be uneventful and the side effects won't be as bad as the last round
* my CA125 number will be tested again on Thursday but I probably won't have the results until Friday - they said not to be surprised if it doesn't go down yet
* safe travel to G.R. on Wednesday and Thursday - the construction between here and there is crazy!
Thank you!!
By the way, if you are thinking about getting a cat or dog check out www.harborhumane.org.
Monday: First day of school for Ashley & Nathan.
Tuesday: First day of kindergarden for Emily & pick up Pico from the Humane Society
Wednesday: Pre-chemo visit with Dr. Downey at 10:00
Thursday: Second round of chemo at 11:00
Friday: No school - no plans - phew!
Hmmm, did I say Pico? The Humane Society? Bet I've got you wondering :) When Papi was gone on his "road trip" we would stop by the Humane Society every couple of days to make sure he hadn't been turned in there. It was heart breaking to walk through there looking at all the dogs and cats in need of a home. We already have a cat and were hoping that Papi would soon return to us so I didn't let myself become attached to these animals as I walked through (not an easy task!). I thought with everything going on in our life right now adding another pet wasn't something to even consider. Silly me.
Brian wasn't able to get through the shelter without becoming attached. Pico caught his eyes and that was all it took. My initial response was "no way, no how, not going to happen!". After seeing the sad look in Brian's eyes and then seeing Pico's picture my resolve broke. We took the kids out to visit him last week and they fell in love with him too. On Saturday we brought Papi to meet him and they got along great. Long story short . . . we pick him up tomorrow!
Pico is having surgery today (he hadn't been neutered yet and the humane society requires that to be done before you can take the animals home). If all goes well we can pick him up tomorrow. We're not sure exactly what he is but he looks exactly like Papi except he is a little bit bigger and stockier. They guessed he is between 2-3 years old.
Although I still can't believe we are getting another dog I have to say I'm pretty excited. Papi likes other dogs (as long as they aren't big) and I think he will really enjoy having a buddy.
So some prayer requests for this week are:
* the kids as they adjust to the routine of being in school again
* for me as I adjust to the thought of my baby being in kindergarden!
* the family as we welcome Pico to our home
* that chemo will be uneventful and the side effects won't be as bad as the last round
* my CA125 number will be tested again on Thursday but I probably won't have the results until Friday - they said not to be surprised if it doesn't go down yet
* safe travel to G.R. on Wednesday and Thursday - the construction between here and there is crazy!
Thank you!!
By the way, if you are thinking about getting a cat or dog check out www.harborhumane.org.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009: Sharing
I read this morning from 2 Corinthians: "just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." That is so true of all of you that follow our blog. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support - and sharing!!
"On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." True, we just lost a dog...we weren't being beaten and persecuted, but remember, God hears all prayers - no matter how big or small.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009: Papi's Home!!!!!!!!!!
Papi is home!!!!!! Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No time to update the details because I gotta go play with my dog!!! In a nutshell, he is home, he is safe and he doesn't have a scratch on him!!!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009: Papi Update
Papi was seen this morning running into Holiday West Mobile Home Park (152nd & Riley). If you happen to be in that area could you please drive through. Here is a new sign to bring with you...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009: Doing Well
Kristi is doing well again. She's done a 180 since last week. Really what she needs for the next week and a half is a return to normalcy. If you happen to see her, please talk about school, kids, weather, trees, grass, anything but cancer or lost pets. Speaking of lost pets, we had a call this morning from someone who saw a poster and saw Papi Wednesday in a subdivision about a half mile from our house. Kristi and the kids are out hanging posters in that sub right now. I'm headed out in a minute to look too.
A couple weekends ago I went on my annual wilderness outing with my friends. The first 2 nights we stayed a little west of Munising, MI and the last 2 nights we stayed on a remote beach a little east of Copper Harbor, MI. The beach was completely inaccessible for 99.9% of people because of the rough road and the 3 foot beaver pond covering the "road". But that wasn't enough to keep us away! Other than the Land Rover catching fire for a brief moment of excitement we all made it back safely! Here is a quick video of our trip...
A couple weekends ago I went on my annual wilderness outing with my friends. The first 2 nights we stayed a little west of Munising, MI and the last 2 nights we stayed on a remote beach a little east of Copper Harbor, MI. The beach was completely inaccessible for 99.9% of people because of the rough road and the 3 foot beaver pond covering the "road". But that wasn't enough to keep us away! Other than the Land Rover catching fire for a brief moment of excitement we all made it back safely! Here is a quick video of our trip...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009: Back in the Ring
Although I am not ready to pick up my pom poms yet, I have put my fighting gloves back on. Bring it on cancer . . . . my prayer warriors have got my back!
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009: Even Moses Needed Help
For most of my battle with cancer I have felt like I would beat it. I've been encouraging others along my way that are also fighting cancer and telling them not to give up and to keep up the fight. Today this cheerleader is ready to retire her pompoms. This boxer is ready to take off the gloves. This cancer survivor is ready to give up.
I can't tell you how much I want to just stop chemo. Stop doctors appointments. Stop everything. I feel like this will never end and I will never again know what it is to be "normal". Between feeling yucky from this last chemo treatment and Papi running away I feel like I am just waiting for the final straw to fall. The one that breaks the camels back.
Even when I am physically feeling okay I am emotionally drained out. Just getting through each day - just getting out of bed - has been an effort. And each effort I make just drains me more. I feel of absolutely no value to my family. I'm either physically sick or emotionally wiped out.
Usually I am so much of a people pleaser that I just say "I'm okay" when people ask me but I don't even have that in me anymore. Now my response is "I'm here". I was talking to my younger but wiser sister tonight and she said "remember, even Moses had a time where he could no longer hold his arms up and his friends had to hold them for him". She is so right and yet my response was "if anyone gets too close to me right now and tries to cheer me up I may deck them". I'm at a place where it's just God and me. I'm angry. Not at God, just at life. I just don't care and I feel empty and ready to give up.
I'm sure this will pass, it always has in the past, but right now it feels permanent. It's hard to believe that just a week ago I was at an event at our church and feeling great even though I had just finished my first round of chemo. I had no idea about the storms that were about to come our way. I suppose the same is true for right now. Maybe there are some good storms around the corner.
I'm sure I have just made a lot of people cry and for that I am sorry. It is really good therapy for me to type this out. I'm still not okay. I still want to give up. But, I do have a glimmer of hope. I know there are many of you out there right now holding my arms up for me because right now - I just can't do it.
Please do not feel like you need to do something right now. I know that is my first response when I see people hurting. I want to help - to cheer them up. I am not posting this to make you feel helpless. I am posting because this is part of our journey. Our honest journey. Right now what I need most is prayers. Prayers that I will get through this pit once again. And prayers for my sweet children who are all handling this all so differently. And also prayers for my husband who cautiously walks through this storm with me . . . sometimes reaching out to me to pull me through and other times knowing when to duck and run for cover :)
I can't tell you how much I want to just stop chemo. Stop doctors appointments. Stop everything. I feel like this will never end and I will never again know what it is to be "normal". Between feeling yucky from this last chemo treatment and Papi running away I feel like I am just waiting for the final straw to fall. The one that breaks the camels back.
Even when I am physically feeling okay I am emotionally drained out. Just getting through each day - just getting out of bed - has been an effort. And each effort I make just drains me more. I feel of absolutely no value to my family. I'm either physically sick or emotionally wiped out.
Usually I am so much of a people pleaser that I just say "I'm okay" when people ask me but I don't even have that in me anymore. Now my response is "I'm here". I was talking to my younger but wiser sister tonight and she said "remember, even Moses had a time where he could no longer hold his arms up and his friends had to hold them for him". She is so right and yet my response was "if anyone gets too close to me right now and tries to cheer me up I may deck them". I'm at a place where it's just God and me. I'm angry. Not at God, just at life. I just don't care and I feel empty and ready to give up.
I'm sure this will pass, it always has in the past, but right now it feels permanent. It's hard to believe that just a week ago I was at an event at our church and feeling great even though I had just finished my first round of chemo. I had no idea about the storms that were about to come our way. I suppose the same is true for right now. Maybe there are some good storms around the corner.
I'm sure I have just made a lot of people cry and for that I am sorry. It is really good therapy for me to type this out. I'm still not okay. I still want to give up. But, I do have a glimmer of hope. I know there are many of you out there right now holding my arms up for me because right now - I just can't do it.
Please do not feel like you need to do something right now. I know that is my first response when I see people hurting. I want to help - to cheer them up. I am not posting this to make you feel helpless. I am posting because this is part of our journey. Our honest journey. Right now what I need most is prayers. Prayers that I will get through this pit once again. And prayers for my sweet children who are all handling this all so differently. And also prayers for my husband who cautiously walks through this storm with me . . . sometimes reaching out to me to pull me through and other times knowing when to duck and run for cover :)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009: Empty
Brian and the kids returned home safely today (they were camping with our small group). They had a great time but returned home to the news that Papi had run away. There has been no sign of him anywhere. I can't explain the emptiness I feel as I hold them while they sob. They have so many questions and so many tears.
We are so thankful for our friends and family. We've had people out looking for Papi, making a "lost dog" poster and putting copies of it up around the neighborhood. I was so weak from the chemo yesterday I wasn't even able to go out looking for him. I don't know the last time I felt so helpless. I told the kids tonight that we need to remember that God loves Papi too and He will take good care of him no matter where he is and that we need to focus on that. Unfortunately that is easier said than done.
I know in the grand scheme of everything we are dealing with right now this may not seem like such a big deal but to us it is. Papi is a member of our family and I can't even imagine what it would be like if we can't find him.
We have left messages everywhere and will be heading to the Harbor Humane Society tomorrow when they open at noon. The kids are having a hard time falling asleep right now because Papi isn't here to make the rounds like he usually does. I offered to lick their faces but they said it wasn't the same :)
Thank you for your prayers.
We are so thankful for our friends and family. We've had people out looking for Papi, making a "lost dog" poster and putting copies of it up around the neighborhood. I was so weak from the chemo yesterday I wasn't even able to go out looking for him. I don't know the last time I felt so helpless. I told the kids tonight that we need to remember that God loves Papi too and He will take good care of him no matter where he is and that we need to focus on that. Unfortunately that is easier said than done.
I know in the grand scheme of everything we are dealing with right now this may not seem like such a big deal but to us it is. Papi is a member of our family and I can't even imagine what it would be like if we can't find him.
We have left messages everywhere and will be heading to the Harbor Humane Society tomorrow when they open at noon. The kids are having a hard time falling asleep right now because Papi isn't here to make the rounds like he usually does. I offered to lick their faces but they said it wasn't the same :)
Thank you for your prayers.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009: Can You Hear Jesus Calling?
It's been a stinky rotten day. I am feeling miserable, tired, nauseous and grumpy. Brian took the kids camping this weekend with our small group and I stayed home because I didn't figure I would feel well enough to go. I underestimated myself. I don't even feel well enough to move from the couch to the bathroom. I'm exhausted from the nausea pills that I take and yet the nausea seems to still be there. Let's just say there should be a rule that whatever goes down should be required to stay down.
On top of this, Papi wandered off today and did not return. I have message at the humane society, pet watch and the non-emergency phone line through Ottawa County. He did not have his collar on. I am going to have to break the news to the kids when they return home tomorrow. I am hoping that someone has taken him in for the evening or he at least found a safe place outside to sleep for the night.
Today I have been very disappointed that I feel awful and am dreading what the next rounds of chemo may bring. I have a huge guilt about Papi running away. I'm sure he is on an adventure having a great time but I am so worried about him. I have wonderful neighbors who took time tonight to ride bikes and drive around the block to look for him. He may have gotten pretty far by now but his starting point was near the corner of James Street and Butternut. If anyone out there finds a sweet 3 year old light brown chihuahua/dachshund mix that answers to Papi, please, please, please call me.
All afternoon as I was dreading the possibilities of what could have happened, the song would not leave my head. It is Can You Hear Jesus Calling by 33 Miles. Jesus is trying to tell me that I can get through tonight with out my dog and I need to just listen to his still small voice. I'm trying.
When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain, hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in. You’re blinded by the lightning, do you also hear that still, small voice saying it’s okay, you’re not alone, you may be scared to death but I won’t let you go. You may think the sky above is falling - but can you hear Jesus calling? What do you see when you look at your world today?Do you see a glimmer of hope, or has it all turned to gray?Well start by counting your blessings one by one. Oh and I'm sure right there, you'll start to see the sun. You see there's always another story, another side to every coin. And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice. Because the darker the night, the brighter He can shine.
Please pray that this storm will pass soon and with minimal damage. I'm signing off now - time to go listen for His still small voice.
On top of this, Papi wandered off today and did not return. I have message at the humane society, pet watch and the non-emergency phone line through Ottawa County. He did not have his collar on. I am going to have to break the news to the kids when they return home tomorrow. I am hoping that someone has taken him in for the evening or he at least found a safe place outside to sleep for the night.
Today I have been very disappointed that I feel awful and am dreading what the next rounds of chemo may bring. I have a huge guilt about Papi running away. I'm sure he is on an adventure having a great time but I am so worried about him. I have wonderful neighbors who took time tonight to ride bikes and drive around the block to look for him. He may have gotten pretty far by now but his starting point was near the corner of James Street and Butternut. If anyone out there finds a sweet 3 year old light brown chihuahua/dachshund mix that answers to Papi, please, please, please call me.
All afternoon as I was dreading the possibilities of what could have happened, the song would not leave my head. It is Can You Hear Jesus Calling by 33 Miles. Jesus is trying to tell me that I can get through tonight with out my dog and I need to just listen to his still small voice. I'm trying.
When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain, hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in. You’re blinded by the lightning, do you also hear that still, small voice saying it’s okay, you’re not alone, you may be scared to death but I won’t let you go. You may think the sky above is falling - but can you hear Jesus calling? What do you see when you look at your world today?Do you see a glimmer of hope, or has it all turned to gray?Well start by counting your blessings one by one. Oh and I'm sure right there, you'll start to see the sun. You see there's always another story, another side to every coin. And how you see your circumstance is all about a choice. Because the darker the night, the brighter He can shine.
Please pray that this storm will pass soon and with minimal damage. I'm signing off now - time to go listen for His still small voice.
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