Thursday, December 8, 2011

Thursday, December 8, 2011: Catch Up

The paragraphs below are posts that I've started over the past month but just couldn't bring myself to post.  Life keeps me really busy.  For the most part the kids and I are all doing fine.  We have a tough time coming up though with Kristi's birthday (Dec 17), Christmas and New Years Eve.  It's going to be a rough stretch but we stay strong knowing that the Lord will bring us comfort when we need and guidance when we're lost.  He hears our cries and He provides a firm foundation to stand.  We, with the help of your prayers, will land on a strong foundation.  I admit, I'm not 100% there yet.  My trust in my foundation crumbled a bit since Kristi passed.  As much as I was prepared, I wasn't even close to being prepared.  At times (which is still several times a week) I am still an emotional wreck.  I have re-started cleaning and organizing our storage rooms.  I came across all of her card stamping material and several "in process" cards that I cleaned and put in totes.  That was/is a very difficult process...many memories coming racing back as I find stuff.

Anyway, we're all managing and for the most part doing OK.  I appreciate your continued prayers over the next few weeks as we get deeper into the holiday season.  Pray that I will remember that the Rock on which I stand will never crumble and that the kids and I will be wrapped in His ever present arms.

Just in case I don't post until after Christmas - Have a great Christmas!

Previous attempts to post:

Sunday, November 13, 2011:  Thoughts
I was talking to a friend recently and he mentioned that he checked the blog recently and noticed that my last update was October 9.  Yeah, he was correct.  It's been over a month.  I still find it very difficult to look at the blog.  I can't bring myself to putting a new picture on the title of the blog.

I held back on the last post because I was not in a real good place then.  Truth has it, I'm still not.  Each and every day is a struggle.  Sunday's are the worst.  I sit in church and look around at all the happy families.  Kristi was everything to me.  I am physically here, but my heart went in that grave with Kristi.  Not sure what really to say at this point.  Believe it or not, this was only delivered a couple months ago.  I procrastinated in ordering it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011: ??
The next 4 weeks are going to be brutal - Thanksgiving tomorrow, setting up the Christmas tree on Friday (family tradition that was always led by Kristi), Kristi's birthday (December 17), Christmas, then  new year's eve.  Prayers for the family and I through this season would be appreciated.

I try not to walk around all mopey and everything, and for the most part I'm always focused on the task at hand so I don't have much alone time to sit around and dwell (which is a good thing).  Sometimes I wonder if the business hasn't allowed me to grieve.  I have been so insanely busy since school started that I literally crash every night.  My day starts at 6:15 and ends when the last child goes to bed (usually around 9:30).  Then I crash on the couch and read all the e-mail from school, church, etc.  Then the old fashioned kind of mail is next.  Oh, then the really old fashioned voicemail.  Then I go to bed around 11 and repeat this cycle Monday - Friday.