Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday, October 31, 2008: Say Hi To Papi

We have a new addition to our family! His name is Papi. He is a 2 and a half year old Chiwawa-Daschund mix. At 9 pounds he is full grown. We adopted him from the animal rescue mission in Allegan County. This is a big deal in our house because if you know me, you know that I used to be “anti-dog”. I usually like other people’s dogs, but I never wanted a dog of my own. Been there, done that. Mainly because they poop in the yard, then lick their butts, then come in and think they’re being cute when they lick you in the face. To me that’s kind of gross. Some people like it, go figure. But there’s something special about this dog. He just looked at me with those big brown eyes, licked my hand, and bowed at my feet. He had me at “woof” (that’s dog talk for ‘hello’). I even let him lick me in the face – after licking my toes clean of course. It’s crazy. Come over some time and say hello to Papi!

Say ‘hi’ to Papi!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008: Blessed Be Your Name

This morning in church we sang Blessed Be Your Name and the lyrics hit home. Here's a couple lines:

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

I've been feeling great physically lately but emotionally I am struggling a bit. I feel distant from God. As I sang these words this morning I realized that when I am suffering I find myself quickly going to God and also singing His praises. I can so easily praise Him in the storm, but, "when the world is as it should be and the sun is shining" I don't seek Him or praise Him nearly enough. I tend to just hop in the drivers seat in life and take control.

It really is bittersweet. I am so thankful for this "normalcy" and yet at the same time feel so alone. I can read the bible but not connect with it as much as I do when I was sick. I can pray but again, it feels distant. When I was fighting for my life, those prayers were my connection to God. I miss that connection and I want it back (minus the cancer!). I don't think that is possible though. I think we can only feel that amazing strength from God when we are completely broken and weak. If you have "knocked on heaven's door" so to speak, then you know what I mean.

I think God is trying to get my attention about this. Emily (our 4 year old daughter) was singing "oh no, never let go" this morning. She had heard the song playing on the radio and picked up on the chorus. She has been singing a lot today and it is so cute. The song kept going through my head with more of the words . . . Oh no, You never let go through the calm and through the storm. It hit me - through the calm and the storm. He is holding me just as tight now as He was during my storm. He hasn't gone anywhere, I have. I need to learn to never let go of Him in the calm.

Thanks for reading my long update! It's sometimes hard to share so much personal information but at the same time it helps so much when I type it out. Also, knowing that this need will be prayed for is a huge incentive for putting it all out there. Thank you prayer warriors :)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

A Day At The Beach

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Thursday, October 9, 2008: News

Kristi’s CA125 level is up to 67 from 60. Her scans came back “clean”. They are considering her “normal” to be 42. They won’t start any treatment until her CA level has at least doubled so we wait for another month. This came as good news for us as we were prepared for the worst. Kristi is in very good spirits. We’ll keep you posted with any new news. Thanks again so much for the prayers.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wednesday, October 8, 2008: No News

Still waiting. Tick tock tick tock.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008: Still Waiting

We haven't heard from Kristi's doctor yet but that's not unusual. Kristi goes in for blood work tomorrow morning so we should hear by the end of the day. As soon as we know something we'll update the blog.

Please pray for good results and for peace of mind during this very stressful time.


Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sunday, October 5, 2008: Anxiety Mounts

As Kristi stares down 2 tall glasses of her special "potion" (CT scan stuff), the memories of CT scans, x-rays and endless blood work are still too vivid. The past few weeks have been very tough as we face the reality that the cancer may be back. Tomorrow she goes in for chest x-rays and a CT scan and Wednesday more blood work. We should have all the results be the end of the week. Please keep our family in your prayers as it will be a very anxious week waiting.

We haven't shared anything with the kids yet so please keep that in mind if you see our kids. We don't want to cause them any unnecessary anxiety...Ashley especially. She is a very emotional girl and she doesn't need any distractions as she tries to keep her focus on 5th grade homework.

We praise God in the good times and we praise Him during the bad times. While it doesn't make sense to us today, we have comfort knowing that it makes perfect sense to Him always.

Thanks for praying for us.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wednesday, October 1, 2008: Busy, busy

Some days I wonder if life will ever slow down. I know it will but the fall is such an exceptionally busy time. We are doing fairly well here, all things considered. There are times when I think about the fact that my cancer could return and Brian could lose his job before the year is done and I start to freak out. So far I have been able to stop the thoughts before they roller coaster and get out of control. We just take things a day at a time and sometimes an hour at a time.

I have been super busy with GEMS lately which is good because it keeps my mind occupied. We have 100 girls between 1st and 5t grade. That's a lot of girls! It will be a couple more busy weeks with GEMS and then things will slow down considerably and get into a routine.

Brian has been pretty quiet at home. I can't imagine how stressful it is to go to work all day long and see people leaving every day. He has no control over whether he will keep his job or not at work and then he comes home to have no control over my cancer. It just stinks.

I know God will provide for all our needs and most of the time I'm doing okay. Right now I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I think Brian is too. This time of uncertainty will help us to grow in our faith and some day we'll look back and see that but when you are right in the middle of it, well, it's hard.

On another note, we used to have a list of peoples email addresses and whenever we updated the blog we would send an email out to let you know it was updated. A couple weeks ago we had computer "issues" and we lost all our distribution lists in email. Not a fun thing. So, if you were on that list or if you would like to be on that list, please send us an email to let us know. Please type your email address into the email so we can just copy and paste it when we put our new list together. Our email is

And yet another note, we will be walking on October 11 with our family in the Walk to Defeat ALS. We were not able to join our family last year because I was still going through chemo. This walk is a fundraiser to help raise money for the ALS association. I think most of you know that my brother-in-law, Eric, has ALS. There is a link on the right on our blog that will bring you to a link about this walk. If you would be interested in sponsoring us check this link out. You can even join us if you would like! We are walking with the Fox Trotters.

Thanks for taking the time to read yet another lengthy update from me. It helps me to process things by typing them out and I can always tell when people have read the update and start praying. There is nothing better than floating on a cloud of prayers.