Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tuesday, April 17, 2012: Our 19th Anniversary

Over the past few weeks the kids and I have made it through spring break, Easter, Easter parties, and Emily's birthday without Kristi.  Today is the toughest, though.  Today is our first anniversary apart; this would have been our 19th wedding anniversary.  I stayed home from work today just to be by myself.  This morning I went out to visit her grave sight with a friend, who happens to be my pastor as well.  We sat on the wet grass and talked for about an hour.  It was good.  I still broke down of course, but I did better than I thought.  I can still see and feel her presence in everything I do.  What I miss the most is just her presence.  I could always depend on her to be here everyday for me, waiting for me to come home from work.  Every single day the first thing we would do is hug...we'd give each other a great big hug.  If the kids were in the room we'd even kiss just to gross them out.  I miss that.  I miss the daily conversations, the "how was your day, honey" conversations.  The absence of any adult conversation (at home) every day, night and weekend is very lonely.  Very isolating.

Looking forward, my birthday is in 2 weeks, Mother's Day is in 3 weeks, then the 1 year anniversary of her passing a month after that, then Father's Day one week after that.  I miss her bad.  It still hurts every day, especially today.  I would say I'm better than I was 6 months ago, but the pain on a scale of 1 to 10 is still an 8.  We heard that expression used a lot during Kristi's different hospital stays..."describe your pain on a scale of 1 to 10".

Anyway, please continue to keep us in your prayers - the next few weeks will be especially difficult for us.  Thank you.