Monday, July 28, 2008: Mommy's Coming Home!

I’ve become quite delinquent at updating the blog! Kristi has sort of taken over ownership of the blog since the beginning of the year (which I have to admit, I haven’t minded). Life has been really good this year which we are extremely thankful for. This past weekend Kristi went to North Carolina with a friend to attend a GEMS conference with hundreds of other women. They left Thursday morning and come back tonight. She’s been having a really good time…she says she’s a “changed woman” because of the convention. Wow, I thought she was pretty good before she left – can’t wait to “meet” this new woman!! The kids (and I) can't wait to see her tonight!! Anyway, just thought I would give a quick update and let you know what we’ve been up to and I wanted to share this good news. So for once I’m asking you to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for good health and good times! God is good in good times and bad!

Here are some pictures of this weekend…

Here's Emily Thursday night downtown Holland (where Uncle Kevin performed)

Sunday morning ready for church (and early)!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008: Update

I'm updating today as Kristi is rushing out the door to VBS. She heard from her nurse this morning. Her nurse said "keep an eye on it, go to North Carolina and have a good time, stop looking at the internet and stop pushing on the spot!" We go in for our 3 month check up in August. If it's still there then Dr. Downey will check it out. Until then, we go on enjoying the summer. Thanks for the prayers.

Please pray for Kristi this week as she leaves for North Carolina to attend a GEMS conference with a friend. They are driving down Thursday. Pray for safety and that Kristi can enjoy this time away with her friend.

Thanks everyone!

Monday, July 21, 2008: Still Waiting

I am still waiting for my nurse to return my call. Monday's are super busy in their office so she probably won't get a chance to call until the end of the day. My spot has gotten a bit bigger but it has also gotten lighter.

I apologize to those of you that are anxiously waiting. We debated putting it on the blog but decided we needed the prayer support. I'm glad we posted it because I can feel the prayers already. I am much more content today. This is just a reminder to me that instead of saying "oh no, not another Monday" I should be saying "thank you God for another day!"

I'll update when I hear more - thanks for the prayers!

Sunday, July 20, 2008: One Year Later

We had a great weekend just hanging around home. Friday night we had friends over and last night we went on a triple date with Kristi's sister and brother and their spouses. We did the same thing last year and we took this picture of us in Grand Haven.

Lori, Eric, me, Kristi, Stephanie & Kevin - June 2007

Last night we went out for dinner at the Blue Water Grill in Grand Rapids (that's where the picture below is taken). After dinner we went out for coffee and dessert. Sadly enough, we were all yawning by 9:00. We did manage to stay out til 10:00 enjoying some good stories.

Eric, Lori, Kevin, Stephanie, me & Kristi - July 2008

I wish I could end this update here on a happy note, but we have a concern we want to pass along. We are hesitant to even type this because it will make it all the more "real" and we don't want to panic everyone. But, Friday morning Kristi found a red spot on her breast. It looked like a bug bite and initially only caused a little concern. When it was still there the next day she did some research on the internet. This spot could be a symptom of inflammatory breast cancer. I know many of you are thinking "don't search the internet!" which I agree with. But, she did and we hope we are worried about nothing. However, this type of cancer is the fastest growing and most aggressive type of breast cancer out there. We really hope this is nothing more than a bug bite, but if it would be inflammatory breast cancer, the quicker it is discovered the better the outcome. Kristi will be calling her doctor on Monday and will keep everyone updated.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Tuesday, July 8, 2008: The Fog Has Lifted

Thank you for your prayers and comments. This afternoon I actually saw a break in the clouds. I feel mentally lighter. I did get out this afternoon to do something for someone else. I am sure that helped. When I am with other people I am usually feeling good. I really love my "me" time though which is hard. When I am alone is when the down times usually come. I also love sleeping and napping! I am joining Curves which I think will help greatly - the program requires that you come at least three times a week. Since I can't seem to hold myself accountable to exercising I need a program to do it for me.

Also, Brian said he felt a little bit better today - yea! We are so thankful for your prayers and support.

One of the comments that was left suggested making a list of the people that helped us out last year. Although I love the idea, I don't think there is a piece of paper big enough to make that list! Our church, family, friends and complete strangers blessed us beyond words last year. There is no way we could ever repay all you have done for us. "Thank you" just doesn't seem enough. I do plan on "paying it forward". I remember last year saying that I couldn't wait to be the person helping out someone else again. Well, my time is here. Wow, thinking back again at all that you have done for us is compelling me to get out there and give back.

Monday, July 7, 2008: Blah

Tonight I am asking for prayers for my depression. At my appointment with my psychologist I was feeling great. Days after that and for the past week or so I have been in a pit again. I do have another appointment scheduled. I am so tired of being in this depression. I feel so alone and isolated and worthless. For those of you who deal with depression, you understand. For those of you who don't, there is really no way for me to make you understand.

I am reading an excellent book right now called Seeing In The Dark by Gary Kinnaman and Richard Jacobs, MD. If you deal with depression, I would highly recommend reading it. Also, if someone you care about is depressed I would recommend reading it for insight into what depression is all about. It is written by a Pastor and an MD. I have learned a lot from this book and yet have so much more to learn.

The one thing I do know is that I am so tired of this. I have been healed of cancer . . . I should be shouting from the rooftops what God did for me. I should be on fire for Him. I want to be. I am asking for prayers that I will find the right medication and dose to correct my chemical imbalance (it's a work in progress right now). Pray that I will seek God first thing when I wake up in the morning and all throughout the day. When I am down it is hard to even open my bible. Also, that if spiritual warfare is involved that I will understand that and know how to deal with it. I also ask for prayers for everyone that I deal with. My immediate family sees me trying to be connected to them and yet I still feel so distant. It's hard for Brian to understand my depression and it's very difficult for me to explain.

Speaking of Brian, he is having trouble sleeping at night. He is trying a new medication that his sleep doctor prescribed that will eventually (hopefully) help him with his fatigue. Right now though one of the side effects is trouble sleeping at night. How ironic. Please pray that he will make his way soon through this side effect and get to the point of feeling more energetic.

He is eating healthy food (he even journals everything he eats!), exercising every day and I have to say, looking really, really good :) Right now I am "hiding" in our bedroom. I snuck up here to do some reading and he busted me. Then he told me that I should stay in here and he would put the kids to bed for me tonight. This was already at 8:00 this evening. He is so good to me.

Thank you for reading through my rambling postings. It it hard to put this all out there because there is such a stigma with depression. I have had many people email and call me to share that they too suffer from depression. It is a real disease and hopefully by speaking out I can encourage someone who is suffering in silence to know that it is okay to talk about it. It is important to talk about it. It is hard though. But . . . . I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength! (Philippians 4:13).

Thursday, June 3, 2008: Still Stable

I went for blood work and had my CA125 testing done yesterday. The results came back at 44 (it was previously 42) which means . . . I'm still stable! I have to admit deep down I am still hoping to hit that "magic 35" but I am thrilled that I am stable. I can't believe life has been so busy that I forgot to post that I was going in for my monthly lab work. It has been good though - lots of playing and visiting with family and friends! Speaking of which, time to get back to playing with the kids now! Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend!