Monday, July 7, 2008

Monday, July 7, 2008: Blah

Tonight I am asking for prayers for my depression. At my appointment with my psychologist I was feeling great. Days after that and for the past week or so I have been in a pit again. I do have another appointment scheduled. I am so tired of being in this depression. I feel so alone and isolated and worthless. For those of you who deal with depression, you understand. For those of you who don't, there is really no way for me to make you understand.

I am reading an excellent book right now called Seeing In The Dark by Gary Kinnaman and Richard Jacobs, MD. If you deal with depression, I would highly recommend reading it. Also, if someone you care about is depressed I would recommend reading it for insight into what depression is all about. It is written by a Pastor and an MD. I have learned a lot from this book and yet have so much more to learn.

The one thing I do know is that I am so tired of this. I have been healed of cancer . . . I should be shouting from the rooftops what God did for me. I should be on fire for Him. I want to be. I am asking for prayers that I will find the right medication and dose to correct my chemical imbalance (it's a work in progress right now). Pray that I will seek God first thing when I wake up in the morning and all throughout the day. When I am down it is hard to even open my bible. Also, that if spiritual warfare is involved that I will understand that and know how to deal with it. I also ask for prayers for everyone that I deal with. My immediate family sees me trying to be connected to them and yet I still feel so distant. It's hard for Brian to understand my depression and it's very difficult for me to explain.

Speaking of Brian, he is having trouble sleeping at night. He is trying a new medication that his sleep doctor prescribed that will eventually (hopefully) help him with his fatigue. Right now though one of the side effects is trouble sleeping at night. How ironic. Please pray that he will make his way soon through this side effect and get to the point of feeling more energetic.

He is eating healthy food (he even journals everything he eats!), exercising every day and I have to say, looking really, really good :) Right now I am "hiding" in our bedroom. I snuck up here to do some reading and he busted me. Then he told me that I should stay in here and he would put the kids to bed for me tonight. This was already at 8:00 this evening. He is so good to me.

Thank you for reading through my rambling postings. It it hard to put this all out there because there is such a stigma with depression. I have had many people email and call me to share that they too suffer from depression. It is a real disease and hopefully by speaking out I can encourage someone who is suffering in silence to know that it is okay to talk about it. It is important to talk about it. It is hard though. But . . . . I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength! (Philippians 4:13).