Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunday, October 25, 2009: I Miss You

When our oldest daughter was born I spent every waking moment with her. When she was young she was very shy and would prefer to hang out with me rather than be with little kids. That was fine with me - we were best friends.

As she got older she gradually came out of her shell. She began making friends and wanted to play with them. It was hard at first letting her go places without me but when I would hear about how much fun she had it made the transition a little bit easier.

Now that she is 12 she is this social butterfly. She loves hanging out with friends, going to church activities, pretty much anything that involves being away from home. I am having a really hard time accepting this. Where did my shy little girl go? The one who wanted to be with me? Be my best friend?

It's not that she hates being home or spending time with us, it's just more fun for her to be with her friends. I don't understand this, okay, I understand it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I miss my little girl.

This morning I was thinking about her. About what a social, loving, responsible young lady she has become. I'm not sure when it happened - I've been here all along yet somehow she changed right before my eyes. I was thinking about how much I miss her when I heard a voice inside my head saying "I miss you too".

When I was sick there wasn't much I could do but I always could pray. I became very close to God during that time. Now that I'm "normal" again I am busy with life. Busy being a taxi cab driver, cleaning lady, referee, nurse, psychologist and social activities director. They are all necessary things but they shouldn't be my priority.

I am sad that I have pulled away from God but am happy that He is still there waiting for me to come back. When I think of how much I miss my daughter and love her I become overwhelmed with the thought that God loves me even more. He is the creator of the universe and yet He misses me. Wow. I’ll end with a verse of a song that is running through my head right now.

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God