Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wednesday, November 11, 2009: Tick Tock

With all the waiting we have done over the past couple years you think we would get used to it. I think I've gotten a little better at it but that doesn't mean I like it. I went in this morning to have my CA125 tested. I can't believe it has been a month already!

I have been doing a pretty good job at not thinking about the results. So much can change with one little phone call. One little number. Or at least I hope it's little :)

The odds are stacked against it going down or at least staying where it is. In fact it is highly unlikely that it will be the same or lower. Over the years I have learned to be "optimistically realistic". I know God can do anything, however, I don't know what His plan is for me. I usually plan on the number going up because then if it goes down it will be a major bonus. If the number goes up I have already mentally prepared for it.

My thoughts have wandered to the possibilities . . . what if it jumps big time - do I need chemo again? or pursue the pet scan? Or maybe it just jumps a little . . . we wait a few more weeks and check again. I haven't let myself even consider it going down. Should it go down though . . . dare I say to a single digit . . . my screaming will be heard cities away :)

So now we wait. And pray. Lots of praying. Lots of redirecting of my thoughts.

On a positive note - Brian is finally getting better!!! Yea! It has been a very long week for him. He was knocked down hard, absolutely miserable and exhausted. Yesterday he finally started to look somewhat better. Today he was able to work for about 1/2 day. His boss put yellow "caution" tape across his office - I thought that was very funny - and a good idea. He kept to himself mostly and did his conversations by phone. He looks much better tonight. It was a rough week but we're very thankful that no one else caught it.

I will update tomorrow when I hear from my nurse with the new number.