Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wednesday, November 4, 2009: Can You Hear Me?

God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2

Eight days ago I started to lose my voice. I can still remember joking with my friend saying “I think God is trying to tell me that I need to listen more”. At that point I had no idea how true those words were.

A couple of days later my van started having issues and by Friday it was in the shop. No voice and no transportation. Talk about feeling isolated!

I have heard God prompting me to slow down and focus on listening for Him for quite a while now. Sadly enough it took losing my voice and my van to make me stop and listen. I spent all of Friday working on things around the house while having a conversation in my head with God. Instead of telling Him everything I thought He needed to be aware of (like there is anything I could tell Him that He didn’t already know!) I began listening. I heard a lot that day.

By that night I felt so focused and in tune with God. My goal is to be aware of His presence 24/7. I know this isn’t an attainable goal but it is definitely something worth aiming for. When I’m in tune with Him my hard times aren’t as near as hard and my good times are multiplied. I am much more at peace.

I feel like I have been just going through the motions for quite a while now. About 2 weeks ago I started a new medication for depression and I have felt the fog lifting. I feel a renewed passion to share my story again. I didn’t battle cancer just to sweep it under the rug and go back to “normal life”. I don’t know if I’m supposed to speak or write or what but I need to share my story. God is making that clear to me.

There is a time for everything . . . a time to be silent and a time to speak. Ecclesiastes 3:1; 7

I received a letter yesterday from our insurance saying that they have approved my PET scan! I had honestly forgotten about that. I had talked to Brian a while back and said that if coverage was denied that would just be a sign to me that the door had been closed. I wasn’t planning on an open door here! I go in next week Wednesday to have my CA125 checked again. It will already have been a month then! This time has flown by. Depending on what that number is I may or may not pursue the PET scan. I know God will lead us to the right decision at the right time.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

The support that everyone continues to show us never ceases to amaze me. We are about to reach 160,000 hits on the blog and this is the 500th post.. Wow. What a long journey this has been. And yet this journey is not over . . . in some ways it has just begun.