Saturday, July 31, 2010

Saturday, July 31, 2010: Who Am I?

I have been struggling with who I am lately. Am I a mom? Wife? Friend? What is my purpose? Should I be home taking care of my family? Helping with different programs at church or school? Supporting and comforting friends who are struggling and hurting? To be honest, right know I think what I have allowed to define me the most is cancer. I'm a cancer victim-fighter-survivor. When it comes right down to it that is what has defined me. It's my "get out of anything I don't want to do" card. It's my guilt-free reason to thrown my own pity party. It's what keeps me awake at night as I allow it to define me and my future. Frankly, it's getting old.

This past week I helped at Vacation Bible School at our church. As I was trying to tally the attendance for the day and break it down by grade (no small task for someone with ADD and chemo brain!) I heard the kids singing in the sanctuary. The line I heard was "I am who the Great I Am says I am". I initially loved the line and the simple truth. Of course my "human" mind tried to complicate it ~ "what does that line mean? what does He say that I am? maybe I could finally be who He says I am if I could only figure out what it is He is saying". Here are some of the words to the song:

I am who the Great I Am says I am,
I am one of His greatest creations.
He says that I am remarkably, wonderfully made,
and I am who He says I am.

There are more words to the song but I love the simplicity of this part. He created me -remarkable and wonderful (two words I definitely wouldn't use to describe me but He does). That's it - I am who He says I am. So simple and so powerful at the same time. It's one thing to read the words to this song but when you hear 600 kids, 200 volunteers and an awesome praise team singing it on the top of their lungs it is powerful!!

I am still struggling with the concept of who I am but that's okay. It's not up to me to figure it out because ultimately ~ I am who the Great I Am says I am!