Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011: A Big, Bitter, Nasty Bite

Time for another "bite" of the elephant.  This one is a big one.  This is the kind of bite that you know is too big but you stuff it in your mouth anyway.  It's so huge that you can't even attempt to chew it without fear of it falling out of your mouth.  And yet at the same time it is so bitter you want nothing more than to spit it back out.

This bite is Hospice.  They are coming today for our initial appointment.  I knew this day would eventually come but I didn't think it would be here so soon.  It's a big, bitter, nasty bite but it's time to take this bite.  Underneath the bitterness though there is sweetness.  That sweetness is that God is in control and He is very clearly guiding our path right now. 

We have been getting and I'm sure will continue to receive a lot of phone calls and emails.  I know this stinks and it is hard and it is so difficult to grasp.  I know that you all want to fix this and make it go away.  I know that there are alternative therapies and other options out there.   We are not quitting or giving up ~ we are letting go and letting God.  I don't know what His plans are for me but I do know He's up to something good.  It is a moment by moment struggle for me to just let go but God has made it crystal clear to me that it is time for me to "be still".  There is a constant battle going on inside my mind right now but the two words that come through the most often are "be still".   

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.  Exodus 14:14

Be still, and know that I am God".  Psalm 46:10

Being still is physically and emotionally exhausting.  I wish I had the energy to visit with people but right now simply being still is all I can focus on and is all that God wants me to focus on.  Please don't be offended by the "no visitors" sign on our front door or if I am not able to return your phone call or email right away.  So many things are crying out for my attention right now but God is telling me to focus on one thing . . .

 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42