Thursday, June 26, 2008: Lost . . . and Found

I know last week I mentioned that we were struggling with depression. Well, earlier this week I fell into the "pit". I guess you have to hit the bottom before you can climb up again. I had been keeping a lot in and you can only bottle up so much before it overflows. The tears came and came and finally ended. Brian found me in my pity party and helped me out of it. I just needed to spill my guts.

I have been feeling worthless lately. I felt like cancer made me "special" and now that the cancer is gone I am no longer special. I know, I know, I'm wrong. And I in no way want cancer back to feel special. I have been wanting to be normal again for so long that now that we are, I'm not sure what to do with it.

I made an appointment with my psychiatrist and am going to see her tonight. I am actually feeling a lot better but I still need to talk to her to learn how to better handle it next time the depression comes my way. I have had depression for many years and I'm sure I will have it the rest of my life. I just need to learn how to better deal with it.

The title of this update is "lost . . . and found". It hit me earlier. I was feeling lost and alone and today I feel found. The reason for this is because of a devotion I read this morning. The verse is Luke 22:32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." It says in the devotion . . . after the clouds clear and we have withstood the storm, we must "turn back and strengthen our brothers."

This gives me new purpose. I can't just go on like normal. I need to turn back and help other women who are struggling with cancer. I need to encourage them by sharing how my faith got me through and how God healed me. I also need to encourage other women who deal with depression.

While I went through depression years ago I wrote a lot of poems. The words just flowed through the pen. This was something special that God did through me. I haven't showed them to a lot of people. I did think of trying to publish them but never did. I didn't think my poems were good enough. They aren't my poems though. They are God's work. And I have been hiding it.

I am reading a book called "for the Write Reason". It has been very encouraging to me and I think will help me to get the poems out there and also help Brian and I with the book we want to write about our journey through cancer.

Wow, speaking of writing books, I think I just did! Thank you for reading and sticking by us. I am always amazed and the number of people that check our blog. I think "now that the cancer is gone, why do they still want to hear about our life?" But you're not just checking on our lives, you're seeing God's work shining through us.

Thank you to our faithful readers and prayer warriors. We are still working on an open house date but life is so busy these days that it has been put on the back burner. We will have it though because we want to say thank you to all of you who have supported us and to praise God for all He has done for us!

Saturday, June 21, 2008: Hello from Lake Leelanau

We are camping near Traverse City with Brian's parents this weekend. So far we are enjoying beautiful weather but it looks like a storm is on its way.

It was a busy week but we are relaxing now. It doesn't really seem like camping when we have wireless and cable tv. That's not how we camped when I was a kid. The kids are loving it and we are all relaxed and having a great time.

Just wanted to check in and let everyone know that we are doing good. Thank you for your prayers and comments and e-mails. We have so many encouraging friends.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008: A Quick Update

Wow, I can't believe I haven't updated the blog since last week Friday! Life is so busy here. The Relay for Life was very neat. Even though it rained a lot there was still a ton of enthusiasm. I didn't get as many miles in as I had hoped but I am so glad that I went. I am working on getting the pictures posted. My dad was nice enough to lend me his camera since Brian had ours and I forgot to download the pictures before I returned it to him. I'll get them up soon.

I do have some prayer requests for our family. I think both Brian and I are going through a bit of a depression. I don't understand why I am feeling so down when the cancer is gone. I remember thinking just a year ago that when the cancer was gone and chemo was done I would be so happy and relieved. I have struggled with depression before and recognize the symptoms. I also can tell that the devil is getting his jabs in. I want to continue sharing how my faith got me through this battle and yet some days I just want to hide from everything cancer related. I don't think God wants me to dig a hole and hide though - that would put my flame out.

Brian recently saw a show on tv that talked about statistics on cancer returning. He was quite down after that. He seemed a bit happier today but I can tell he is still struggling. He is still extremely tired too. He even left the fathers day party early so he could go home and take a nap. If you know Brian, he hates taking naps. I know he must have been tired to leave so early.

Well, I titled this update "a quick update" and now I've rambled on and on. Sorry. Just needed to spill my guts. I've been keeping a lot inside lately. A friend called me yesterday and after an innocent "how are you" on her part I gave her an earful. I don't know why it all spilled out - I guess God knew I needed to let it go. I did feel better after I talked.

Thank you for your prayers. I know shortly after posting this the prayers will start and joy will come in the morning.

Friday, June 13, 2008: Relay Day

Thank you again to those of you who donated! There are so many good causes out there and it is overwhelming trying to decide who and what you want to sponsor. Over the past year we have been one of the "causes" that many of you have donated to thanks to the many fundraisers that were held on our behalf. I can't possibly explain what a huge relief it was being able to pay our medical bills without having to take on any extra debt. God worked miracles through all of you by taking care of that burden for us. Thank you just doesn't seem enough.

I am anxious to see what the Relay for Life is all about. I have read about it and checked out the web site but I think I have to experience it before I really "get" it. We're heading out soon and hoping that this beautiful weather stays all night!

Thank you again for your donations, support and prayers. I will update the blog over the weekend hopefully with some pictures of the event.

Sunday, June 8, 2008: Thank You

Thank you to those of you who have donated to the Relay for Life! From what I understand, it is fairly easy to pay using a credit card by clicking on my personal home page (which is now listed on the right side of the blog). If you would rather donate by cash or check, I would gladly pick it up from you, however, I do need to turn all donations in this Friday. Thanks so much for your support of such a good cause.

I do have a prayer request for our friends, Mike & Sheryl. Mike's father was diagnosed last week with a rare form of skin cancer. He is going to the U of M on Tuesday. Please pray that this cancer has been found early enough. It is a very fast growing cancer and the earlier it is found, the better the prognosis. Mike and Sheryl are on vacation with their family this week. Please pray that they will be able to enjoy this time with their girls as there is nothing that can be done at this point for Mike's dad other than pray and wait. Mike has two sisters in this area that can be with his parents.

This brings back a lot of memories for me. I had the stress of dealing with the thought of having cancer and my family and friends had to deal with the helplessness of watching me deal with it. Please keep the entire Boes family in your prayers - I will keep you updated.

Thank you!

Thursday, June 5, 2008: Woohoo!

My new CA125 level is 42! Woohoo! Emily wore underwear yesterday with no accidents! Woohoo! Today is the kids last day of school! Woohoo!

God is good all the time - and all the time God is good!!!!!

Monday, June 2, 2008: It's Potty Time!

Woohoo! Hooray! Emily went on the potty tonight for the first time! Some day she will probably be horribly mortified that I posted this on the blog for the world to know but for now we're saying it loud and saying it proud!!! Yea Emily!

Happy stuff aside, we do have some prayer requests - I will be going in this week to have my CA125 level tested and should have the results on Friday. No longer are we praying for the magic "35", we are now praying for "stable".

Also, I have been having some stomach problems today. Although it is probably just a simple stomach bug, it is quite similar to the symptoms I had prior to finding out I had cancer. Something as simple as a stomach ache can bring extreme anxiety.

Please pray that our nerves will be calmed and that this blood work will be nothing more than our monthly reminder that God has got it all under control. Hmmmm, as I type that it reminds me of a cyber-friend of mine. Her blog is called www.Godhasgotit.blogspot.com. She is battling breast cancer for the 4th time over the past 7 years. Her blog is awesome and I'd encourage you to check it out.

We will update the blog as soon as we have some results. As always, your prayers are appreciated so much.