Thursday, June 26, 2008

Thursday, June 26, 2008: Lost . . . and Found

I know last week I mentioned that we were struggling with depression. Well, earlier this week I fell into the "pit". I guess you have to hit the bottom before you can climb up again. I had been keeping a lot in and you can only bottle up so much before it overflows. The tears came and came and finally ended. Brian found me in my pity party and helped me out of it. I just needed to spill my guts.

I have been feeling worthless lately. I felt like cancer made me "special" and now that the cancer is gone I am no longer special. I know, I know, I'm wrong. And I in no way want cancer back to feel special. I have been wanting to be normal again for so long that now that we are, I'm not sure what to do with it.

I made an appointment with my psychiatrist and am going to see her tonight. I am actually feeling a lot better but I still need to talk to her to learn how to better handle it next time the depression comes my way. I have had depression for many years and I'm sure I will have it the rest of my life. I just need to learn how to better deal with it.

The title of this update is "lost . . . and found". It hit me earlier. I was feeling lost and alone and today I feel found. The reason for this is because of a devotion I read this morning. The verse is Luke 22:32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." It says in the devotion . . . after the clouds clear and we have withstood the storm, we must "turn back and strengthen our brothers."

This gives me new purpose. I can't just go on like normal. I need to turn back and help other women who are struggling with cancer. I need to encourage them by sharing how my faith got me through and how God healed me. I also need to encourage other women who deal with depression.

While I went through depression years ago I wrote a lot of poems. The words just flowed through the pen. This was something special that God did through me. I haven't showed them to a lot of people. I did think of trying to publish them but never did. I didn't think my poems were good enough. They aren't my poems though. They are God's work. And I have been hiding it.

I am reading a book called "for the Write Reason". It has been very encouraging to me and I think will help me to get the poems out there and also help Brian and I with the book we want to write about our journey through cancer.

Wow, speaking of writing books, I think I just did! Thank you for reading and sticking by us. I am always amazed and the number of people that check our blog. I think "now that the cancer is gone, why do they still want to hear about our life?" But you're not just checking on our lives, you're seeing God's work shining through us.

Thank you to our faithful readers and prayer warriors. We are still working on an open house date but life is so busy these days that it has been put on the back burner. We will have it though because we want to say thank you to all of you who have supported us and to praise God for all He has done for us!