Monday, December 7, 2009

Monday, December 7, 2009: Cancer Shmancer

I wasn't sure what to title this post. Cancer sucks. Stupid cancer. I hate cancer. No happy ending. It's more than just a lymph node. Clear PET scan - not!! All sorts of ideas but "cancer shmancer" kept coming to my mind.

My lump is more than just a lymph node. It's most likely a cancerous lymph node that needs to be removed. I'm not sure what the radiologist was thinking when he decided myPET scan had "nothing to be concerned about". Ha! We were able to look at the scan today and could see the lump and it was very bright. My doctor noticed it right away - I'm guessing they didn't want me worrying about it all weekend long so they didn't tell me.

I have an appointment with a surgeon at 4:00 on Wednesday. She will feel the lump then and decide if it is able to be removed or not. If it is, then we will set up an appointment. It would be an outpatient procedure and I would be under general anesthesia. Just one more surgery to add to my ever-growing list.

They will send it to be biopsied and my doctor should have the pathology reports within a couple days. He said it's not imperative that it is removed right away but if they have an opening before Christmas we should take it. From a financial perspective it would be best to have it before next year. I've already met my out-of-pocket maximum for this year. I'm pretty sure I met it before January was even done.

Brian and I had a very quiet ride home this afternoon. What do you say at this point? Well, other than "cancer sucks". Big time. I'm mad, sad, overwhelmed, discouraged and numb all at the same time. I'm mostly just numb.

I started looking at the pictures on my cell phone as we were driving home. Brian asked me what I was doing (actually he asked me if I was texting my boyfriend - even during times like this he can make me smile). I told him I was looking at all the reasons I have to fight. I'm so tired and don't know that I have a lot of fight in me. Looking at the pictures of my family though reminds me that I can and will fight. Eventually this stupid cancer will realize it picked the wrong person to mess with!

Brian's turn:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Here's a message to cancer: