I love movies with happy endings. If I know ahead of time that a movie has a sad ending I won't even watch it. I have enough going on in my own life that I don't need to be shedding tears over fictional characters.
We have had a lot of happy endings over here lately. Two weeks ago we were anxiously awaiting scans, surgeries and test results in our family. Our first news was to hear that Eric's surgery went well and was a success - yea! The next day my PET scan results came back "nothing of concern" - more yea! A couple days later we heard that the test results for Brian's uncle had come back great and he didn't need to go back for 2 years - yea, yea, yea! And just two days ago my grandpa had his surgery and guess what? The doctors were happy with the surgery. Can you hear the hallelujah chorus??
Despite all these happy endings I still find myself dwelling on the fact that so much pain, suffering and disease has hit our family. Once my mind starts down that path it snowballs out of control. As I was thinking about this a verse came to my mind . . .
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
I've discovered that when I focus on that and not on my problems that life becomes much easier to bear. I've been doing better with my quiet time with God and during those times I feel like I could conquer anything. I've even gotten to the point that I was able to tell God that if the cancer comes back I will be okay because I know that He works all things for His good - for His glory. It has taken me a very long time to get to that point. Unfortunately shortly after I feel that peace life can overwhelm me and I'm filled with anxiety and fearing the worst.
I read in a book recently that when you hold a nickel up to your eye it can block out the sun. Something as little as a nickel can block out something as huge as the sun. It is because our focus is completely on the nickel. If we would look up then we would realize how small that nickel really is. If we take our eyes off our problems and look up to God and remember His power it will put things back into perspective. However, we are human and that is just not in our nature. I am trying though, really trying to keep that nickel out of my vision.
Tomorrow at 3:45 Brian and I will be meeting with Dr. Downey. He will be checking the lumps that I found in my neck. I have gone from fearing that I have lymphoma or thyroid cancer (yes, I made the mistake of looking on the internet) to deciding that it is just simply a swollen lymph node that is fighting some sort of virus.
Right now it is way past my bedtime so I am headed to bed. I will update again tomorrow night with what I am hoping will be good news.
