Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thursday, April 15, 2010: What is Normal?

You will definitely not find my picture in the dictionary next to the word "normal". I've never thought of myself as normal. Since my diagnosis life has been anything but normal. I've never really thought much about the word "abnormal" before but if I had to pick one of the words to describe me it would have to be abnormal.

That word never bothered me much . . . until now. This afternoon I was told that my ct scan results were "abnormal". Actually, her words were "there were abnormalities found". She asked if Brian and I could come in tomorrow which caught me off guard. The main reason for going in so soon is because Dr. Downey will be out of the country next week. Before he leaves he would like to talk to us about the results and what our options are. That should be a fun visit . . . not.

Brian is trying to adjust to the time change . . . he gained 13 hours coming home. On his ticket it actually showed him as arriving in Detroit almost two hours before he left Japan. He stayed awake a little bit yesterday but crashed after we watched Emily open her birthday presents. He has been in bed for the past 20 hours sleeping off and on. Last night he had a hard time sleeping (because his body said it was daytime) and today he slept soundly (since he thought it was nighttime). He has been awake for 6 hours now and seems to be coming around. I struggled for a week after we lost one hour during the time change - I can't even imagine how hard adjusting to 13 hours must be. Maybe it will be better for tomorrow's visit if he is still somewhat numb. I'm not really worrying about it yet because until the appointment happens it doesn't seem real to me.

I was reading The Shack this afternoon and this paragraph jumped out ~ Mack was asking God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit about priorities. The name Sarayu represents the Holy Spirit and Papa represents God.

"But don't you want us to set priorities? You know: God first, then whatever followed by whatever?"

"The trouble with living by priorities," Sarayu spoke, "is that it sees everything as a hierarchy, a pyramid, and you and I have already had that discussion. If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go on about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?"

Papa again interrupted. "You see, Mackenzie, I don't just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of you and your day."

Jesus now spoke again. "Mack, I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life - your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities - is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."

"And I," concluded Sarayu, "I am the wind." She smiled hugely and bowed.

That is exactly where I want Him to be in my life too.