Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday, June 9, 2010: Reality

I am still waiting for the call. You would think after almost 3 1/2 years of this I would get used to the waiting. Nope.

I brought the kids to school this morning for the last time this school year. I am very excited about not having to set my alarm clock anymore. I am not excited about the "I'm bored" and sibling rivalry that will soon be taking place.

Our youngest believes that she is in charge and that we shouldn't even be considering the possibility that she isn't. She has one volume . . . loud. She also believes that it is her job to torment her brother and sister.

Our middle child is a boy. He has an older sister and a younger sister. Only one boy and stuck between two sisters? Life is sooooooo not fair.

Our oldest child is dangerously close to becoming a teenager. Enough said.

Put the three together and let's just say that it my hair wasn't already falling out from the chemo treatment it would be turning completely gray.

I have muscle aches all over and I can hardly keep my eyes open from the fatigue. I can't wait for the phone to ring and yet I'm dreading it at the same time. Even worse, I'm dreading having to make phone calls to let friends and family know what the new number is. I'm already assuming that it has gone up - that way if it didn't go up it will be an unexpected blessing.

Being in Florida was such a wonderful escape from reality. We were able to just leave cancer at home and simply just "be". When we came home though reality didn't just knock on the door, it came barreling through and knocked me right between the eyes. If I had the energy I would love to punch reality right back and sending it flying. Right now though I'm so tired all I want to do is go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. But, the phone will still ring, the kids will still need to be picked up soon and the camper isn't going to pack itself.

I read something the other day that really made me think. It was something that Joni Eareckson Tada wrote (for those of you that aren't familiar with her - she is in a wheelchair paralyzed from the neck down because of a diving accident many years ago). She wrote "I would rather be in this chair knowing Him than on my feet without Him".

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10 (NIV)

One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worship, beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches. I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin. Psalm 84:10-12 (The Message)