These are my feelings right now. I’m processing what was said today. Just journaling to work things out. Dr. Downey didn’t find any new “lumps or bumps”, which was good. But he made some unusual comments that just stuck in our minds. I take longer than Kristi to process this stuff; it tends to stick with me longer.
He starts the appointment with a surprise. “So you want to take a break from the chemo? I think that’s a good idea. Let’s start it up after the holidays.” That kinda took us off guard; we were thinking a month, but OK. Of course, that was followed by “we want to keep you feeling good through the holidays. We don’t know how many you have left.” Then he moved along to something else. But that comment stuck. Stuck like a sticky booger. You know the kind. The kind you try to flick off your finger discreetly but just won’t come unstuck. That’s what it was like. A big fat sticky booger of a comment.
At the end of the appointment, he leaves us with “you may want to make some videos of Kristi talking to the kids. So they have something to remember her by when they get older.” Ouch. Not what I wanted to hear today doc. Was feeling pretty good. Yup. Now, I’ve got 2 big fat sticky boogers stuck to my finger. I’m shaking and shaking and they won’t let go.
It’s just heavy on my mind right now. Searching for a Kleenex to wipe these boogers on.
Like Kristi says…it’s satan working through Dr. Downey to bring us down. Kinda ironic as the doctor’s name is Dr. Gordon O. Downey. Gordon O. Downey. How perfect for satan to work through him.
"All Your promises won't let go of me"
But these boogers will soon dry up and fall off.
God, thank you. Thank you for your unconditional, no strings attached love. A love that can only be given by You. A love that so many people brush off, or take for granted. When things are going well it's so easy to take You for granted. Please forgive us for that complacency. Lord, You never promised us an easy, pain-free life. We brought pain and suffering on ourselves. Please, Lord, help us remember that. Help us get through these next few days as we/I process these emotions. Help us to not get angry, frustrated or resentful. It's so easy to fall into that trap. Forgive us as we fell into that trap again today. Thank you for being the one consistent Lifeline that we can always count on.
Thank you God.