Today was hard. Coming back to reality after spending time in denial is always hard. And the longer I spend in denial the harder reality hits. It wasn't a slap in the face kind of hit though. It was more like stepping in quicksand. I felt trapped. Suffocated. Unable to muddle through the muck.
The silver lining around this dark cloud is the way friends and family take care of us. People bring us meals, clean our house, watch the kids and so much more. It is bittersweet though. It is awesome the way people jump into action and help us but on the flip side I don't like the reason that we need help. I don't like thinking about the cancer. I don't like the constant back pain and the fact that I tire out so easily. I don't like thinking about the "what-ifs". The top of my "don't like" list though is seeing the fear in my families eyes. Imagining the thoughts that are going through their minds.
This life can be so hard. It seems like everywhere I look there is pain. Life-threatening illnesses whether ongoing or recently diagnosed. Grieving of loved ones that have passed away. Heartache from missing that special someone that is serving our country and protecting our freedom. Fear of the unknown - of what our future holds. Right now this world just feels dark to me. I am trying to hold on to the positives and to count my blessings (although so often I find myself counting the trials). I am praying that like the words of the song - God will "light up the sky".
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
(Reading the lyrics to this song don't really do it justice - check out the video and listen to the words . . . if the link doesn't work, the song is called Light Up The Sky by The Afters.)
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7GKGW7NX
