Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010: Grumpy

Right now I am grumpy. Mad. Angry. Just plain ticked off. Why you may ask? I don't know. It was a great day. I visited with a few friends (actually got to sit and visit without any children saying "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" - like I didn't hear them the first time they said my name). I love my children but seriously- I heard you the first time! I enjoyed a yummy lunch (that I didn't even have to make). I got my hair cut (my hair is finally growing in thicker!). And we had a very yummy supper brought to us tonight.

Yesterday afternoon Brian and I met with my new oncologist. I am now an official patient of Dr. Amy Vanderwoude from the Cancer and Hematology Center in Holland. She will be talking to Dr. Downey and getting the rest of my chart from him (she only had the notes through 2008 and I had to laugh when she asked if I had been receiving any chemo treatment since then - um yup, just a little). After she talks to Dr. Downey and reviews the rest of my chart we will be meeting with her again to talk about where to go from here. I really liked her and feel good about this transition.

Despite all this I'm grumpy. My back hurts off and on. Mostly on. Once in a while my fingertips go completely numb and it freaks me out. I hate the way the pain messes with my mind. I hate how quickly my mood can change. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, did I mention hate? I hate cancer. I'm trying to get out of this grumpy mood but not having much luck.
One of my brother's poems keeps running through my head . . . . it's called Up and Down Frowns.

the thoughts in my mind go up and down
not sure what to do i'm stuck with a frown.
i say to myself it's a real bad day
but only if i choose to make it that way.

Many of you probably already know this poem is from his book The Tomato Collection. For those of you that didn't know that - now you do. For those of you that have no idea what I am talking about check out his website . . . . it's

So to sum up - it was a good day, I'm in a grumpy mood, my brother is pretty cool :)