Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Tuesday, May 31, 2011: Peacefully Resting

After a rough night of pain and panic attacks last night Kristi finally rested peacefully today.  This comes at a price of course as she is now pretty much unresponsive.  It's very difficult to see her like she is now - very still, too still.  She has been unresponsive since this morning.  I rubbed her cheek tonight with my cheek and whispered "I love you" into her ear and she responded by grabbing my hand and squeezing...so I know she heard me. 

I had a chance to read through a bunch of poems Kristi has written throughout the years and came across this one she wrote when her grandma died:

Final Goodbye
Death is such a difficult thing
and so hard to comprehend.
So many broken hearts
that do not quickly mend.
I just don’t understand
why people have to die.
It grieves my heart so badly
to see my family cry.
I know that death is better
than living here on earth,
for our treasure is in heaven
after that miraculous rebirth.
The pain I feel right now
will slowly fade away,
but the memories I have of you grandma –
they are here to stay.

There are several more dealing with depression, anxiety, grief and faith and they are all very powerful.  Many of these I have never read.  What an amazing legacy she will leave behind; I am so proud of her. 

That's all I can muster up tonight for an update.  Tired.  Emotionally drained.  Physically drained.  mentally drained. 

Good night.