Friday, January 2, 2009

Friday, January 2, 2009: Bring On The Kleenex

Who was that person filled with so much peace just 10 hours ago? I don't know where she went but I want her back. Early this afternoon I started having sharp stomach pains and seem to have some sort of stomach bug. I've been tired, cold, hot, nauseous and in pain most of the afternoon and evening. I'm starting to feel better physically but emotionally I'm a wreck. Why me? Why us? I haven't used this word in a while, but this just sucks. Cancer sucks.

Brian is still tired too. He runs, he eats healthy and he's still tired. Why? He has to work, take care of me and the kids and so, so, so much more. Why can't he have energy? As you can see I'm in the whiny mode. We had friends take all of our children tonight for a sleepover. A date night and I get sick. Why?

Okay, enough complaining. I know joy will come in the morning but these nights of weeping are so tiring. This journey is so tiring. It's exhausting just thinking about the weekly chemo treatments I have to look forward to and when my mind starts wandering about the statistics, well, I'm trying desperately to not even go there.

So, prayer warriors, please lift our arms up for us now because we don't have the strength to do it alone.