When we first heard that I would need to do radiation I was thinking "no big deal ~ much easier than chemo". I felt pretty good about it, was glad there wasn't any needles or major side effects involved and was very excited that it would be much easier than chemo! As the time got closer though my nerves started to kick in. It wasn't so scary when it was weeks off but when I went in and had the "mask" made it started to become more real to me. This past weekend I started wanting to just stay home and by Sunday I didn't really want to get out from under the covers. If I don't acknowledge it then it's not really happening, right? I did my best to pretend that it wasn't happening today but eventually the time came for me to leave.
During my treatments I am alone in a great big room laying on a skinny metal table with my head strapped down (thanks to my lovely mask). The people working with me are right outside the room and there is a video camera in the room with me so they can see me and hear me the entire time. It's a weird feeling being strapped to a table, all alone, while a huge machine moves around my head making strange noises. I'm sure by the end of the 5 1/2 weeks I will be used to it but right now ~ it's weird.
Today was my first actual treatment. They were right ~ it didn't hurt and I feel fine. I met with the oncologist afterwards and he felt the tumors in my neck. I told him that I thought they had gotten bigger since I was initially seen a couple weeks ago. He told me that is normal but when he felt my neck he said that he didn't think they were very big which was a comforting thought. Within a few weeks I should start to feel them shrinking. I guess it takes that long for the cells to start to break up from the radiation.
I'm not a fan of radiation treatments or the idea of going every Monday-Friday for the next 5 1/2 weeks but now that the first treatment is behind me I am not near as anxious as I was.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 (NASB)
