Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tuesday, May 11, 2010: Mostly Cloudy Today

From sunny to mostly cloudy in 24 hours...I guess we shouldn't be surprised; this is Michigan after all.

We didn’t get the results of the CT scan today but we did get the CA125 results. The last time it was checked was in March. It was 181. It’s now 630. The glass half empty person would say “that’s more than triple”. The glass half full person would say “that’s less than 4 times!”
That’s the highest it’s been since one month after surgery, in February of 2007. I guess you would say we’re still numb. Confused. Scared. Wondering “what’s next?”

Amber is going to call us back tomorrow after 5 to share the CT scan results. Hopefully in another 24 hours we’re back to partly to mostly sunny. Maybe she’ll lose our phone number. If she doesn’t call it’s not real, right?

Nathan took the news as he usually does…with little expression. Ashley took the news harder. She asked Kristi if God was calling her home. She said how cool it would be for Kristi to be able to see Uncle Eric. On one hand that makes me so proud. On the other hand it makes me sad she has to say that at all.

I don’t know how I am. I’m just sitting here numb. Next to Kristi on the couch. Me on my laptop, she’s on hers. Hey, at least we’re not IM’ing each other. I’m not giving up hope but the reality of it all really sucks. Just plain sucks.

I know many people will read this and be saddened. Feelings of sadness are OK. But please, when you see Kristi, please try to be upbeat. Talk about the kids, the school year, your latest pedicure…anything but a sad look on your face. She has been getting a lot of that lately. Looks of pity, sadness, lost cause. She needs an aura of positiveness. Is that a word? Well, neither is irregardless but people use it all the time...so I’m going to use it. We will weather this storm and be more sea worthy in the end. These rough times build perseverance. With perseverance, character. You can call me Elmer Fudd by now. Kristi will be Wilma Flinstone. We have had a lot of character building over the past 3 and a half years.

Well, on that note, this is Elmer Fudd signing off. We’ll update tomorrow night.