I know that I don't have to tell you what is going on right now. I don't need to tell you that I am confused and scared. I don't need to tell you that my heart is aching and my mind is racing. I know You already know all of this.
My devotional reading for today said ~ Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on me.
I'll be honest - I have a hard time thinking of cancer as a hand-tailored blessing. I have seen benefits from it and I have definitely seen growth. Our family has grown closer, our children have grown more in their relationship with You and our prayer life has grown by leaps and bounds. We have been supported by family, friends, school, church and even strangers.
I do trust you can bring good out of this. I know that the scarier things appear the more I will cling to you. Thank you for the lessons that I will learn over the next few weeks. I know there will be times that I feel like You have abandoned me but deep down in my heart I know You will never leave me. Ever.
But God, please, pretty, pretty please with sugar on top - please let me watch my children grow up, get married and start families of their own. Please let me spend the retirement years with Brian. Let our hair turn gray and the wrinkles come but keep our knees strong so we can bounce our grandchildren on them. We will do our part to keep our knees strong by spending a lot of time on them.
These are the desires of my heart God.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:4-6