Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Wednesday, January 23, 2008: Happy Anniversary?

January 23, 2007 is the day that changed our lives forever. It's a day that we will always remember. I suppose you could call it an anniversary, but I like to think of anniversaries as days you celebrate. This isn't a day we wish to celebrate. I went back and read the e-mail I sent out right after Kristi was diagnosed. Then I went on to re-read most of the blog. It's hard to believe it's been one year. I'm struggling with the fact that she still has cancer. One year later and she still has cancer. All those surgeries and she still has cancer. Over a dozen doses of chemo and she still has cancer. All that nausea and she still has cancer. All that suffering and she still has cancer. All that praying and she still has cancer. I'm struggling with what we studied Sunday night. This book said "answers to prayer are the result of the confidence with which we ask, not how hard we ask." I think the author made a gross error in this statement. Where is God's will in that statement? Actually, I find that statement insulting. That statement has had me down for a couple days. Am I a 'wimpy' prayer?! I don't think so. I'd like that author to meet some of you...Kristi's prayer warriors. I'm not sure about you, but I've been struggling with how to pray. Who am I to ask God to change His will, whatever it is. I don't know what God's plans are; who am I to ask God to change His plans?!

It's been one year. What a year. I think another reason I'm a little down is because Monday night brought back memories of 2007. I thought we were past this. Apparently we're not. It was like I got clobbered over the head with a 2 x 4. Apparently the chemo fatigue and the nausea will still be around. Maybe I was just being naive.

Well, on the bright side this next year can't be as bad as this past year...can it?! I don't think so. We have made a lot of tentative plans for this year. We have some making up to do. This year will be a year of building family memories. We look forward to: Double J Ranch in 2 weeks, a weekend at Holiday Inn in March, hopefully a family mission trip with our small group to somewhere warm (Georgia?) for Spring Break, the Grand Canyon with Kristi's sister and husband in May/June, maybe Disney this summer (June/July) with our family, and since this Spring will be our 15th wedding anniversary (yikes!!!) we talked about possibly a cruise in the fall. That's what we look forward to this year. We're hoping the cancer doesn't interfere with these plans.

As far as Kristi goes, she is doing much better. The wave of nausea has passed. She is as beautiful as ever. Thanks for supporting us for the past year!