I'm begging God for a little mercy. Please stop the insanity. I hate it. I'm mad as hell right now. Can I say that? Why not?! You want to know my true feelings; that's how I'm feeling right now. If cancer was in this room right now I'd pummel him. Pound him to pieces. I'd have no mercy on him. Why can't we get a break?! Just once. It was a bad one today and tonight. Kristi is very down. Ready to quit. She can't quit. But I agree with Kristi...this just doesn't seem fair. I know we're impacting people, but why does it have to be so brutal?! It breaks my heart to see her like this. As she lies on her back in bed, barely conscious, reaching for me and trying to talk, but too tired to make more than a whisper. It just plain hurts.
Here’s a letter Ashley wrote Kristi tonight…
"Dear Mom,
I just want you to know that God is with you right now while you are having cancer and chemo. And I will always be in your hart and you will be in myne. I love you so much and hope that your cancer goes away very soon. Over 100 people are praying. Even people we don't know. Get well soon.
Love,
Ashley"
At first Ashley didn't understand the magnitude of Kristi's cancer. But now she does. I know she understands. And I know Kristi knows. Ashley asked Kristi again tonight if she was going to survive. I think that's what prompted the letter and a lot of the tears. Ashley and Kristi are upstairs right now talking and it's almost midnight. Yup, just another night in our house...as we hear fireworks going off all around us.
