I know Brian mentioned in his earlier e-mail that I probably wouldn't be posting tonight but I just have to despite the pain. I believe I am finally out of the "fog" that the pain medication had me under. I have weaned myself off the Vicoden and have a great deal of pain almost all of the time, I would rather have that than the mental fog I was in. I am still taking Motrin.
So, I sit here with a frozen bag of corn on my stomach as the incision is the most painful part now. I have so much to say and apologize in advance for blabbing away!
It hit me this afternoon finally that my CANCER IS GONE! I have been sobbing a lot but happy sobs. I am overwhelmed at this miracle and am still taking it all in. The past week has been a blur. I see pictures of me and hardly remember them. I finally checked my e-mails tonight and went through the tears of joy again with everyone. What an amazing celebration. I believed with all my heart that I would be healed and yet to be here now, healed, is just, well, I have no words that are adequate.
Tonight I sat on the couch with Brian with our cat curled up between us purring away. There was a fire in the fireplace that was warm and smelled good and crackled. Christmas music was playing, Emily had gone to bed peacefully earlier and Ashley and Nathan were playing happily downstairs (yes, Nathan and Ashley together playing happily!!!). There couldn't be much of a more perfect moment. Oh wait, there can! Did I mention I'm a CANCER SURVIVOR!!!??? I've been wanting to scream that for so long!
The words "praise God from whom all blessings flow" keep popping into my head. You all have been such huge blessings to us! You pray for us, watch our children, plow our drive way, cry happy tears! Also tonight I found a message on my machine to let us know that our supper will be here tomorrow at 5:00 and will be hot and ready to eat! (Thank you Lori!) and I know that there is just a huge list of you waiting for your turn to bring us supper. Not just "oh we need to feed them again" but" would you please put me on the list so we can have the pleasure of bringing them supper?" You are all so amazing. I'm going to have to stop typing to dry the tears to see the screen!
Okay, better now. The kids have been so wonderful, and Brian, well, no words can describe him either. He's been my nurse, chauffeur, cook, nanny, maid, psychologist and so much more. And he always smiles. What a gift.
We were able to spend Christmas eve with my family but I was still quite groggy and out of it. I'm just glad I was able to be there to see everyone else and the joy in their eyes.
I am slowly getting better but the pain is quite difficult and I mostly go from the couch to bed. Hopefully soon I will be able to add the computer to my rounds more often. And then visitors! The day will come! Until then, please know we love you and your support and are sooo so so sooooo happy to be a part of this miracle! There is NO GOD LIKE OUR GOD!!!!!